The following are the ‘official’ signs of what an episode must consist of in order to be classified as manic, depressed, or mixed. The following information was taken from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition.¹

Diagnostic Criteria for a Manic Episode

* A distinct period of abnormally and persistently elevated, expansive, or irritable mood, lasting at least 1 week (or any duration if hospitalization is necessary).

* During the period of mood disturbance, three (or more) of the following symptoms have persisted (four if the mood is only irritable) and have been present to a significant degree:
1. Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity
2. Decreased need for sleep (e.g., feels rested after only 3 hours of sleep)
3. More talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking
4. Flight of ideas or subjective experience that thoughts are racing
5. Distractibility (i.e., attention too easily drawn to unimportant or irrelevant external stimuli)
6. Increase in goal-directed activity (either socially, at work or school, or sexually) or psychomotor agitation [You get twitchy].
7. Excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for painful consequences (e.g., engaging in unrestrained buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, or foolish business investments)

Jordan¹ commented on this post.
He said,

Jason is one of the best people i know and if you were really bipolar then you wouldn’t be able to stay that calm during that conversation in fact you would have been so mad you would have forgot most of that conversation so if i was you i would quit faking it cause no ones buying it

After deciphering your butchery of the English language I pondered your asinine allegations. Now I get to quash them.

First off, you shouldn’t assume things you have no possible way of knowing. When you posted that comment, you probably thought you were really sticking it to me. In reality, all you accomplished was making an ass out of yourself and showing your ignorance. You did it very well, by the way.

Second, I was diagnosed as having bipolar disorder in late December 2005. I didn’t meet Jason until January 2007 - that fact alone should be enough to debunk your absurd accusations.

I talked to Dave about Jonathan and the conversation did not go the way I thought it would. Maybe I started the conversation wrong. I’m not sure. Oh well, it’s not like I can go back and change it. I asked him what he would do if a violent ex-lover hunted him down and wouldn’t leave him alone. The question confused him, of course. I elaborated by asking him what he would do if he were a female faced with that situation.

I’m sitting here shaking just thinking about what happened.

I feel trapped. I feel scared. I feel like crying. What do I do? How do I get Jonathan to leave me alone? He showed up on my doorstep. I opened the door because I didn’t know it was he. I have a glass door, so it’s not as if I could’ve pretended I wasn’t home.

I was stunned when I saw him standing there, looking me up and down. After I snapped back to reality, I felt disgust, anger, and confusion. I felt an impending sense of doom.

I thought moving would get him out of my life, but he tracked me down. I don’t understand why he’s doing this to me, he was meant to be a one-night stand almost two years ago.

I knew what was coming. The little girl inside was shrieking. My hands are tied. I’m defenseless against him. I am that little girl again.

At 2pm today, I had court for a bullshit speeding ticket I got June 26. My roommate had to go with me because he was my witness. We had hoped that the cop wouldn’t show up.

He was fifteen minutes late. It irritated me because I know if I had been the one that was late a warrant would have been issued. The judge should have dismissed the case.

Nevertheless, the judge did not dismiss it. He did, however, offer me the opportunity to change my plea from not guilty to no contest.

I met another guy last Friday. His name is Dave and we hit it off - we talked for hours. We’re physically attracted to each other and we have a lot in common. He has many features and qualities I like in a partner: He is the Gothic type; has several tattoos¹; likes a lot of the same music I do; has a great sense of humor; he’s honest, assertive, Pagan and non-judgmental…

When I’m romantically interested in a guy I usually tell him right away that I’m Pagan and that I am bipolar. I like to get the potential deal-breakers out of the way A.S.A.P. I don’t see the point in wasting my time anymore. When I dropped that bombshell he didn’t run away screaming so apparently he’s interested in me as well. Or he just wanted to get me in bed.

This is a music video by Corinna Fugate who is a recovering self-injurer. The quality of the video isn’t all that great, but the lyrics are.

The following is one of my favorite Emily Dickinson Poems.

I had a nightmare this morning about Jonathan. ¹ I do not remember all the details, but I remember seeing him and a whole lot of blood.

I was trapped inside his house like a cub in a bear trap. Every door I opened led to a funhouse-esque slide and there was blood everywhere. It was pouring out of me in every direction. I could not get out of his house; I felt absolute terror. That is all I remember.

I know I had that dream because he dropped by my house a few days ago. I had hoped that he did not know where I lived. He was part of the reason I moved. Unfortunately, he knows where I live. I cannot help but wonder if he walking down my street the day I moved in this house was a coincidence or not.

I do not know what to do about the situation. There is always the legal route, but he is the violent type and I think that would just make matters worse.

I went to my other psychiatrist today because I’m still having a problem with the anxiety and my other psychiatrist has already tried me on everything she writes prescriptions for. Every single one I’ve tried so far either didn’t work or the side effects were intolerable. The last one she tried me on was Risperdal. I’ve been on it for almost 3 months. The side effects I’ve noticed are more migraines, groggy, lethargic, and it made my periods almost non-existent.