I have commitment issues. suggested that it’s because I’m bisexual.

I’m ready for the next lineup of men. The ones I’m seeing are boring me to .

I guess I freaked out again. It hurts a little. I hate being bipolar. I get over stuff and then a few months or even years later all those emotions well up inside me again. It’s been four years – why are those old bubbling up? It’s not the bad memories that I remember anymore. I remember how much I loved him; how it felt to finally be loved.

These feelings scare me and make me a little sad. I’ve been numb for so long I forgot what it’s like to feel. I don’t know how to process it. I don’t know how to make it stop. I think my hear is trying to thaw out again.

There are so many risks, potential mistakes, and a whole lot of pain.

This is where I either take the risk or run away and isolate myself from everyone again.

The reward that could be had is so great, but the of retribution (divine or otherwise) has just as much power as my desire for .

I wish I could experience a balanced – stable – secure life. Why will I not allow myself to have it?

I’ve made a lot of bad choices but it doesn’t mean I have to making them.

I made a conscious choice to change, to make myself worthy in my own eyes – or at least a little less unworthy. I want to stop punishing myself for my mistakes, imperfections, and bad choices – I need to scrutinize my past so I can learn from it, accept it and finally let it go.

On this day..