Archive for July, 2007

Thoughts About My Commitment Issues and More…

4 years ago
in ,

I have commitment issues. suggested that it’s because I’m bisexual.

I’m ready for the next lineup of men. The ones I’m seeing are boring me to .

I guess I freaked out again. It hurts a little. I hate being bipolar. I get over stuff and then a few months or even years later all those emotions well up inside me again. It’s been four years – why are those old bubbling up? It’s not the bad memories that I remember anymore. I remember how much I loved him; how it felt to finally be loved.

These feelings scare me and make me a little sad. I’ve been numb for so long I forgot what it’s like to feel. I don’t know how to process it. I don’t know how to make it stop. I think my hear is trying to thaw out again.
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Thoughts About Dickinson and Seventh Grade

4 years ago
in , ,

There are so many things that I don’t give a chance. I wonder if I do that with people as well. I’m well on the path of Emily Dickinson – not by writing poetry, but on shutting out the world, especially people. It’s coincidental because I remember wanting to be just like her when I was in 7th grade.

Like most of the American population, 7th grade was a tough year for me. I write that not because the more common issues a pre-pubescent teenager experiences. I write that because I haven’t had an ordinary life – in actuality, life has been like one long Lifetime Network film. I have experienced all major types of (physical, emotional, verbal, and sexual), neglect, incest, , and drug addicted parents, domestic violence, mental illness (my own and that of my loved ones), three miscarriages, failed engagement, unknowing mistress, is a murderer as is my ex step-father, my mother is an ex-convict


Another Threesome

4 years ago
in , ,

Steve and John left about 20 mins ago and I’m sitting here grinning like the Cheshire cat. :D

I just had my first threesome with 2 guys. I fucked John once before, but we had phone several times and made out before that. I met Steve for the first time tonight and holy hell, he is HOT! I’m glad I let John talk me into letting him come over.

About an hour before they came over I was fucking Vance.

This was the first time I ever had sex with 3 guys in one day – within a 3 hour period at that. Is the part where I’m supposed to be ashamed of myself? If it is then I’m not right because I’m far from ashamed. I’m proud and damn satisfied to boot.

I think I’m also supposed to feel guilty since it has only been a week since I broke it off with , but I don’t feel bad about that either. I guess either I am becoming a whorish bitch or just too manicy to give a damn right now – the jager may have something to do with it as well. Who knows?

I’m tired and it’s 4:20. I’m going to smoke a bowl and go to bed – all by my onesie. :D


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