Jun

26

Cops Suck

Filed Under Events | Leave a Comment

On the way home from a shopping spree with one of my roommates, I was stopped by a cop. We were less than a mile from our house.

I saw the cop when I was at the top of the hill; long before he pulled me over. I had hastily put my seatbelt on before I got close enough for him to see that I didn’t have one on and I looked at my speedometer to make sure I wasn’t speeding.

The speed limit was 30mph and I was going 33mph so I tapped the brake. We passed by him and less than 30 seconds later he was behind my Explorer, sirens blaring, and lights flashing.
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Jun

23

Concrete Angel by Martina McBride

Filed Under Poetry & Lyrics | Leave a Comment

This song touches me.
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Jun

22

What's Good For the Goose…

Filed Under Guys, Relationships | Leave a Comment

Nick called me yesterday afternoon to see if it was okay for him and his dad to come over for lunch. I let them. It was the perfect opportunity for him to see the hickey.

I wanted to show Nick that he isn’t my world and that I can easily replace him. I don’t need his bullshit and I sure as hell don’t have to put up with it.
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Jun

21

The Excitement of a New Lover

Filed Under Relationships, Sexcapades, Thoughts | Leave a Comment

I got some good dick last night and it wasn’t Nick’s little pecker. In the past, I would have felt like I cheated and a part of me still does I think. However, Nick and I are officially non-exclusive so I shouldn’t feel guilty for being sexual with other men. Therefore, I refuse to feel guilty for getting my needs met.

I’m sick of feeling undesirable. If Nick doesn’t want me sexually, that’s his loss. I’m tired of waiting for him to be ready. I’ve never had a problem finding lovers. There are lots of men that will be more than happy to pick up his slack.

The past two months my sex drive wasn’t what it used to be, so it didn’t really bother me that he wanted us to wait. However, it has been coming back full force and I can’t be patient with him any longer. I know he is hung up on his small dick and I’ve tried to reassure him that doesn’t matter to me, I just need to feel desired by him.

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Jun

20

Unfinished Letter to Nick

Filed Under Bipolar Disorder, Relationships, Thoughts | Leave a Comment

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear — not absence of fear.” – Mark Twain

Some of the things you read here may sound irrational, but I can’t help it. It’s nothing against you personally, it’s just how I feel. Please, read the whole thing before you pass judgment. Opening up and being completely honest may push you way even more, but I can’t hold this in any longer or I’m going to pop. Keep in mind, nothing I say here is meant to hurt you or cause you to feel negatively in any way.

It seems like you have been pulling away from me the past two weeks. Things haven’t been the same since the day after I relapsed and told you that I was scared because I was starting to care about you.

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