Sunday, I talked into helping me move. He stayed with me until Wednesday. I think the only reason he left then is because we both had to go back to . He has called me several times a day since and he was dropping all sorts of hints while he was here. It’s been almost a year since we first “hooked up.” I have a feeling he wants to rekindle our relationship – again.


He was even playing nice with my mother. She likes him and she is hinting that she wants me to get back together with him. It’s not something I’m completely opposed to, but I’m not going to rush into anything. I want things to go SLOOOOW. I’m still in a volatile place in my recovery and I don’t want to take something on that can mess it all up – and a romantic relationship I’m not ready for definitely has that potential.

In the past, the trigger that almost always resulted in cutting or was extreme . One of the things that caused extreme was my inability to communicate my with whichever guy I was at the time. I would be very pissed off at myself or whichever guy, but I couldn’t express it – so I would take it out on myself. Most people would have just cried… I bled. I’ve been learning other ways of coping, but they aren’t ingrained yet, like self-injury is.

The good news is I still haven’t cut, bloodlet, or gotten since New Years Eve. The urges are getting less frequent (finally).

Nick is trying to make me jealous by talking about a few girls he has met recently. It was cute at first, but now it’s getting annoying. I guess his plan is working though because I am a bit jealous… that’s probably why I’m not completely opposed to hooking back up with him. I guess it’s the whole I-don’t-really-want-him-but-I-don’t-want-anyone-else-to-have-him syndrome.

I haven’t talked to since a few days after the last time we had . I think he may have been reading my blog… oops.