Archive for March, 2007
What I Can and Cannot Do….
I can’t control my recovery. I can’t force it to happen overnight (no matter how much I want to). I can’t make myself let go of all the painful and traumatic memories any faster, but I can remind myself that I’m a very willing participant in this process.
Progress Report
I have a very determined spirit and when I set my mind to something I accomplish it. Right now, I am really focused on getting better and I have come a long way since I was discharged from Brookhaven: I actually have some pride in myself; I am not constantly worrying about what people think about me; I haven’t been pushing myself to be perfect as much as I used to (especially at work); I’m letting go of the self-hatred I have carried around for so many years; I am starting to care about myself and realize that I am not inferior to others; I don’t feel as worthless or unlovable anymore; I’m trying to come out of my shell; and I’m learning that I deserve happiness and love just as much as anyone else. I’ve been happier and I feel better each day that passes when I don’t run away from everything, cut, or want to kill myself.
I talked to Erick
I’ve been ignoring my blog again. I had my reasons, which I will explain later.
Almost three weeks ago I talked to Erick for the first time in about three years. At first my adrenaline was pumping like crazy and I didn’t really know what to say to him. After a few minutes it seemed like we hadn’t even stopped talking and it was a lot like the old days. We caught each other up on our lives. We ended up talking for about 2 hours. We talked about all sorts of things.






