Well, the vacation from my problems is almost over.

I go back to Sunday. I’m really nervous about it because that is the day I find out if I still have a job. If I’m not fired I’m going to put in for a shift trade. I can’t stand my supervisor. I’m tempted to go back to the before-the-buttcrack-of-dawn shift so I can be on Steve’s team again. So far he is the only team leader at that is worth a damn.

I went up to the school yesterday to drop my classes since I got so far behind because the , but if I drop them I’ll have to give back my financial aid. I’ve already spent most of it (it’s what I’ve been living on this month) and what I have left I’ll need for moving. I emailed my instructors and they are going to let me make up the work, but it’s going to be really hard. I have to bust ass.

I went back to the psychologist for the ADD video game test. I failed bad… meaning I have severe ADD. That explains a lot. The psychologist is going to send my paperwork over to my medical doctor so I can get a script for adderall. He said the only side effect is I’ll lose . I hope I can handle that. I’m not sure if I’m ready to let my fat go yet.

We still haven’t found a house and we have to be out of here by March 10. My mom -tripped me into letting her move in. She’s really lonely and stuff. Despite everything that she let happen to me as a child and everything she did to me herself, I still her. I resent the hell out of her, but I her just the same.

backed out because her mom wants her to move in with her. What is up with our mothers? Her mom (my auntie) is living alone right now because her man went to prison a few months ago. I don’t blame , but I wish she would have given me more notice. /Nikki is still going to be my roomie. I can’t wait to get out of this apartment.

accepted the add, but we haven’t talked yet. I’m still anxious and scared about talking to him. I’m not even sure what to say. That’s crazy. We used to be able to talk for hours on end and we never ran out of things to talk about. I hope we can get back to that friendship. It was very dear to me and I deeply fucking it up – like I always do.

There are so many things going on right now I’m starting to feel overwhelmed again. I’m trying to apply the coping skills and relaxation techniques that I learned in . This is a long hard journey. I wish for the instant gratification of immediate enlightenment, but I know that isn’t going to happen. No one can do this for me. I have to do it for myself and by Goddess, I will.

On this day..