Abandonment + distorted =

I’ve had compulsive and apathetic relationships

In order to come out of hiding from a shame-based identity identify needs and healthy ways of getting those needs met.

Needs:

  • affection
  • security
  • acceptance
  • stability

Since I have a shame-based identity. I tend to feel:

  • unlovable
  • unworthy
  • inadequate
  • incomplete
  • evil/bad
  • defective
  • perfectionistic
  • undeserving of happiness

Shame:

  • kept me from emotional closeness
  • made me withdraw from people and relationships
  • led to perfectionism. I’m a perfectionist because I’m so scared of rejection and criticism hurts me to the very core
  • I’ve worn masks to hide the real me for so long that I’m unsure who the real me is
  • led to promiscuous
  • led to self-injury
  • led to to and drug use
  • caused me to food
  • caused fits of rage and loss of control
  • keeps me from setting limits/boundaries
  • led to unhealthy/distorted relationships where I was either over or under attached
  • led to several suicide attempts

Shame caused false ( about someone else’s behavior and the belief that I caused their behavior.) I’m fragmented because my shame-based identity.

I need to learn how to reclaim the things I’ve disowned:

  • vulnerability and dependency
  • communicating my needs and to people
  • intimacy
  • trust
  • happiness
  • love

I’m still trying to figure out healthy ways to get my needs met and I’m open for suggestions.

On this day..