Something is wrong with me. It is unbelievably hard to admit it to myself and impossible to admit to anyone else. The is overwhelming. I hate myself so much because I am intelligent enough to know I’m defective, but cannot change it. I’ve tried so hard to be normal. I have become a master of deception. I can pretend that all is well so good that I believe it myself sometimes. I just keep hoping that if I pretend long enough it will become true. What did I do to deserve this? Most of the time I just wish it would be over. The urges are so great that they get harder and harder to resist.

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