Ok, I know I said I wasn’t really interested in sex anymore. Well, I didn’t lie, but my hormones changed their mind. Surprise, surprise.

The party last night was fucking crazy. I’m having a hard time finding the words to describe it. *gasp*

The party was to celebrate Dudney’s birthday. It started out innocent enough. Tiffany was the first one here besides Tori, Dudney and I. Shortly after she got here Doug, JR, David, Amber, Heather, Roxanne, and Natalie showed up. Nick was working so he couldn’t come. Jonathan wanted to come over, but I knew I’d end up sleeping with him again if I let him come over so I ignored his calls.

I was in the shower when Doug and the others got here. I came out and saw that he and JR both showed up… and with their girlfriends nonetheless. Geezus, talk about feeling awkward as all hell.
Doug is JR’s uncle but they are only a year or so apart. I’ve had sex with both of them in the past. They are related to my roomie.

Amber and Tori both were teasing me because they could tell I wanted to hide out in my room. I knew I wasn’t going to enjoy myself unless I started drinking and loosened up. I slammed 7 shots of jager in 15 mins. Doug started trying to corner me almost immediately and then I’ll be damned if JR wasn’t far behind.

I went to see Crossfade and Buckcherry last night with Amber and Dudney. I saw both bands a couple months ago at Dischorus ‘06 with Dudney.

I’m not a huge fan of either band. I like Crossfade’s ‘Colors’ and ‘Cold. Buckcherry’s songs ‘All Lit Up’, ‘Crazy Bitch’, and ‘Sorry’ are some of my favorites.

The three of us got high and took a few shots before we went to the show. Amber drove. We got lost on the way to the Cain’s Ballroom (even though we have been to dozens of shows there) because we were high as hell and forgot to exit the highway a few times.

Once we finally got there, the line was about half a mile long. It was freezing outside, so the three of us stayed in the car until the doors opened. We liked the bands, but not enough to freeze our asses off for them. So we smoked another bowl while we were waiting and downed some of the jager I brought with me. I’m well known to carry around a coke bottle full of jager (at bars and concerts, usually).

The unthinkable has happened, I’m not really interested in sex anymore… I never thought this day would come, lol. It’s probably only because it’s been almost three weeks since I’ve had sex. Dr.’s orders.

The three week mark will be Monday, Dec 11th. The Dr really told me to wait 4 weeks, but I got a second opinion and was told as long as there wasn’t any cramping or bleeding I could do it after 3 weeks.

December 2nd was the one year anniversary of my last suicide attempt. The scars on my wrist have faded a lot - thanks to mederma. They aren’t pink anymore so they are hard to notice unless you are looking for them. I am very proud that I haven’t made anymore attempts to take my own life.

I’m also proud that I have not bloodlet or cut since August 19th - I’m two weeks shy of the four month mark. I haven’t even had the urge to do it. I think it has a lot to do with McKayla. I love that baby so much and I want to be around to watch her grow up and I want to stop hurting myself. I know now that when I hurt myself I also hurt those who love me. And people actually do love me.

I found out a few weeks ago that Erick and his wife are separated and he’s moving out. That’s crazy. I’m absolutely fucking amazed.

I have mixed emotions when it comes to Erick. A part of me still loves him very much. Sometimes, our time together feels like it was a hundred years ago, but then there are times when it seems like it was just yesterday.

The Sooners beat the Huskers again! We won the big 12 championship and will be going on to play in the fiesta bowl.

I’m happy that despite the scandal involving the quarterback, the injury of one of our star players, and the Oregon debacle we are still doing so great.

I’m Sooner born and Sooner bred and when I die, I’ll be Sooner dead!

WOOHOO! Way to go Sooners!

I’ve decided I’m going to turn this blog into my memoirs so in addition to writing about the present I’m going to write about past events that were significant in my life.

I haven’t been posting too much lately because I’ve been trying to get the php code perfect and I’ve been creating my own wordpress plugins (see the movie quote plugin). After I have the blog the way I want I’ll go back to building my website. I’m working on getting a new domain just for my blog.

Update on other stuff:
I went to my shrink a few weeks ago and she upped my dosage of wellbutrin from 300mg a day to 450mg. I wanted her to because I felt like the lamictal was leaving me in just a blah mood. It’s a mood stabilizer but it’s mainly to help prevent manic episodes. I’ve only had one full blown manic episode in my life that I know of. I do have hypomanic episodes, but in my opinion those are the best. I’m happy during those times, without it being over the top. The wellbutrin is for the depressive side, and I have had plenty of full blown depressive episodes.