After I calmed down a bit last night I texted and told him that my surgery is Monday. Once I told him the no for four weeks after surgery part he told me I should come over to hang out. Uh oh… cue the complications.

Since Nick and I started ‘talking’ again almost three months ago we haven’t had sex. I’d been trying to keep things in the just friends stage. We’ve flirted a lot and he tried to get me to stay the night a few times, but I made sure nothing came of it. The last time he invited me over, I dragged along so she could cockblock. He was pissed off and didn’t talk to me for a almost a week. I’m stubborn as hell and also somewhat prideful, so I refused to call him first.

After five or so days without a word he sent me a generic ‘what’s up?’ text message. A few messages later he told me that he was getting married to a girl he had met a few days before. The wedding was supposedly going to be two weeks later. Yeah right. I didn’t buy that shit for a second. I know Nick well enough to know he was testing me and it pissed me off. I controlled my and congratulated him, however a few text messages later I told him how stupid he was being. Nick plays a lot of games. I hate it.

I hate lies, games, and infidelity. I pride myself on being faithful, honest and straight up. I wish I could meet someone who feels the same way.

After that conversation I didn’t talk to him for almost two weeks because I lost my cell phone. Of course, I didn’t have any of my phone numbers written down. I’m sure he thought I was ignoring him because his ‘news.’

When my cell phone bill came, I found his number. He usually sends me 40+ text messages a day. I called to see how he was doing. He said was fine. He also told me that his fiancee got cold feet so he isn’t married. Surprise, surprise. LOL. What a dipshit.

Against my better judgment, I decided I’d go hang out at his house for awhile. I knew what he wanted to happen, but I wasn’t sure I was going to do it or not. My indecisiveness had nothing to do with chemistry, we have plenty of that, but i need more than just passion and eye candy.

When I got there, I noticed he hadn’t shaved. I can’t stand more than a goatee and mustache on a guy; the jawline has to be smooth. I told him to go shave, and he did, LOL. He brings out the bossy side of my personality because he likes the woman to take control.

After he got out of the shower we went to his room to watch a movie. He has roommates which I don’t really feel comfortable around so while he was showering I was chillin’ in his room. He was just wearing his boxers and he looked sexy as hell. He is hot and funny, but it sucks because he is also dumb and barely anatomically correct.

We were lying on his bed watching “Catch Me if You Can” and he snuggled close to me. I kept rubbing his smooth face. I the way a freshly shaved face feels. We halfway held hands. I felt sort of awkward. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to have sex with him again. I wasn’t sure what complications it would bring to our “friendship.”

After the movie was over I kissed him. I still didn’t know if I would go through with having sex with him or not. I was just playing it by ear. He’s a good kisser. We laid there kissing for quite awhile. Then he started kissing my neck. He knows how much that affects me and it damned near got me purring. I got really into it and didn’t pay attention to how hard he was sucking on my neck.

He kept talking, caressing my back, and gently tickling me. He was being really playful and making it very intimate. I pulled him on top of me and started kissing him again. I was trying to cut down on the intimacy because it was freaking me out. It didn’t . He held my hand tightly and wouldn’t let it go. Why is does holding hands seem so intimate? It was strange, but I realized then that I had always been when we had sex in the past.

We made out for well over an hour. He kept saying things like, “I love your lips, I could kiss you for hours,” and “This is my favorite part of you” (while sucking on my nipple), then he would change his favorite part of me to whatever he was focusing on at the moment. He enjoyed teasing the hell out of me.

When I stuck my hand down his boxers I remembered why I was having second thoughts about sleeping with him. It didn’t even seem worth it, so I just kept making out with him. I noticed that it was 3 am. I had to be at work 2 hours later so I told him I needed to go home. He was disappointed. He thought I was going to spend the night with him, whether we had sex or not. I had to get out of there. I just want to be friends with him.

Before I left I went to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror to fix my hair and I saw huge hater marks on both sides of my neck. They were gigantic and dark as hell. Damn him! He knew I had a date the next night. FUCKER! I think I’m gonna have to stop talking to him again for awhile. I don’t want a serious relationship with him and I am getting the feeling that he wants one.

When I got home Tori and were still up. We all got high and talked about it. They have learned I’m the world’s worst at taking advice so they didn’t really offer any, they just listened to me vent.

I like him; I’m attracted to him; he makes me laugh; and he accepts me as is, but I just can’t decide what path I want our relationship to be on.

To be just friends, or not to be just friends…