Yesterday was my appt with the gyno/oncologist for the colposcopy. went along with me for moral support.

I should have started my period October 19th, but it was the day after Dr. Abshere gave the wonderful news. I guess the postponed my period.

We got to the office and the nurse took me back to the room. The doctor walked in and of course, he was male. He had me get up on the table and assume that god awful position. He had this huge light/microscope thingy. That thing looked scary. He inserted the speculum and then this tiny sharp tool. He poked hard and it hurt like hell.

I was laying there wishing it would hurry up and be over with and his phone rang. Believe it or not, he took the damn call! I was laying there all sprawled out with this cold metal speculum halfway inside me and this giant light/microscope pointed at my cookie. It wasn’t my finest moment, that’s for sure. I wanted to kick him in his head.

After he finally got of the phone he told me that he was unable to perform the biopsy. He said that the opening of my cervix is about 6 times smaller than the average woman’s (the medical term for it is cervical stenosis.) He did another pap to confirm that there wasn’t a mistake made with the first one. I guess he didn’t my doctor, or he just wanted to perform something so he could make more off me.

He then told me that in order to get the biopsy he will have to perform a procedure called LEEP (Loop Electrosurgical Excision Procedure). Then he went into graphic detail about what the procedure entails and trust me, it doesn’t sound pleasant at all.

He’ll put a grounding pad on my thigh so I don’t get electrocuted and then inset a scope and a tool with a electrified metal wire loop on the end. The set up is just like a pap test except he’ll be using that electrical tool instead of the little brush. He’ll shave off a few layers from inside my cervix then send it off to pathology to see how bad it is.

He told me that if the cells haven’t spread much he may also be able to completely remove all the cells during the same procedure. Kill two birds with one stone – that would be sweet.

Hopefully this surgery will get rid of this problem for good. He said even if the surgery works I will still have to have a pap test every four months for at least the next three years. If the cancer cells don’t come back after three years I can go back to the once a year pap tests.

This is something I’m going to have to keep my eye on for many years. When my grandma was thirty-six she had to have a total hysterectomy because she had stage four cervical cancer.

He said he will do as much as possible without jeopardizing my chance to have children. He also told me that if we stay on top of it then we shouldn’t have to go that route, which is a good thing because I won’t go through with it. I’ve always said if I ever got breast, cervical, or ovarian cancer the chemo or whatever better otherwise I’d die from it. I refuse to have my breasts, uterus, cervix, or ovaries removed. I was born with them and I’m gonna die with them.

I was in a lot of pain last night. I don’t know if it was because that sharp as tool or because was starting my period. It was probably a combination of both. I hope I’m not in that much pain after the LEEP.

On this day..