I have an unconventional pet. His name is Osiris and he is a beautiful ball python. I call him Osiris – after the Egyptian God of Death and Rebirth/Resurrection. I’ve had him since the end of February 2006.

Due to the Christian conditioning of my childhood I was terrified of snakes. I thought they were the embodiment of pure evil.

I faced my a few years ago at the Tulsa State Fair. There was this huge sixteen foot Burmese python that was taking pictures with people. Her name is Harriet and I decided to take a picture with her.

I sat in the chair while this guy wrapped this enormous snake around my body. At first I was panic-stricken and I worried that I would have an anxiety attack. It took the guy about ten minutes to get Harriet situated around me. I was amazed at how tame she was. I took the picture and afterwards I noticed that my fear of snakes had dwindled a bit.

I posed for another picture with Harriet two years later. After that I decided I wanted a snake of my own. I couldn’t get one right away because I didn’t have my own place and the people I was living with are as scared of snakes as I used to be.

When I bought Osiris the pet store guy told me that he had just eaten and to wait about two weeks before feeding him. I know it sounds morbid, but I couldn’t wait until time to feed him. I hadn’t ever seen a snake eat — in person anyway.

Two weeks passed and I went back to the pet store to get a few mice. I had thought I would just put a live mouse in his tank and that would be the end of it. Boy, was I wrong.

The pet store guy told me to “bop” the mouse on it’s head (Geez, who am I? Little bunny Foo Foo?) to kill it so he couldn’t hurt Osiris and then toss the lifeless mouse into Osiris’ tank. I quickly lost enthusiasm for feeding my pet.

I went home and contemplated how to murder the poor little mouse. It didn’t bother me when I thought Osiris would kill his own food.

Finally, after about five hours of stalling I decided it was time to feed Osiris. I selected one of the six mice I had bought earlier that day. I put it in one of those little yellow plastic bags that newspapers come in. I twisted the bag about halfway around my hand then started swinging it. When I thought I had built up enough momentum I smacked the wall with the bag. I assumed the mouse would die instantly. It didn’t. It was only stunned, which meant I was gonna have to bash him again. I had a hard enough time doing it in the first go-round, but I knew I had to do it.

The second attempt proved successful and the poor little mouse was dead. I put it in with Osiris and he couldn’t have been less interested in it. I left it in there for two days and then had to throw it away. I was slightly upset with Osiris because I killed the mouse for nothing.

I decided to try a live mouse. He didn’t eat it either. Actually, it seemed like they became buddies. The mouse would even curl up and sleep with the snake. I ended up putting cheese in the tank for the mouse, but he died about two weeks later.

I froze the other four mice. I tried to feed Osiris again a couple weeks later. He didn’t eat that time or any other time that I tried for six months.

I was starting to worry about him. All the snake books I read said that ball pythons are very picky and can take a very long time to eat after an environment change and that he could live over a year without eating but that didn’t stop me from being concerned about his .

I decided to give feeding him another try before taking him to the vet to be force-fed. I went back to the pet store guy and he told me to try putting another live mouse in with Osiris and if he hadn’t eaten it within twenty-four hours to bloody its nose and put it next to Osiris. He told me if that didn’t to have someone hold Osiris while I pry his mouth open with a flathead screwdriver and then partially insert the mouse in his mouth and then put him back in his tank. I hoped like hell that it wouldn’t come down to that last option. For the most part I have gotten over my fear of snakes, but that didn’t apply to opening his mouth… chills ran down my spine just thinking about it.

I just bought one small mouse this time because I didn’t want to waste more mice or . I got home and put the mouse in Osiris’ tank. I had barely gotten my hand out when Osiris struck the mouse. It was lightning fast. He constricted the mouse for about a minute then began swallowing him. I was amazed at how fast it happened. I had expected Osiris to wait awhile. However, I was relieved because that meant I didn’t have to kill the mouse myself or force-feed Osiris.

My roommate and I are such dorks that we were taking pictures of him swallowing the mouse.

I was so happy that Osiris finally FELT THE FURY!

On this day..