Astroglide isn't guaranteed to work
This morning, I had to get up and take Tori to work at the bar like I usually do on Sundays. I hang out with her there for a few hours or until the end of her shift – depending on who all is up there and how much fun I’m having.
We were sitting at our table in the back playing cards (BTW, I was winning LOL), when Tori said, “Holy shit, isn’t it a small world.” Oh man, did I really want to turn around and see who it was? You never know who is going to suddenly pop back into your life. Instead of turning around, I asked her who it was and she said it was Johnnie (Jonathon).
Damn, talk about a blast from the past. I was almost scared to turn around. I didn’t have to, he walked straight back to our table and sat down like a single day hadn’t passed. He is about 6?2 and is very muscular. He definitely has a hot body. I had forgotten how hot he was.
He said he had called the bar earlier to see if I was up there. Then he asked if I would hang out with him. I was leary about it because he wanted to go chill at my apartment. I would have said no, but I knew my roomie was home so I didn’t really have to worry about anything. I figured what the hell and said okay. When we got there my roomie was awake and on the computer.
Jonathon wanted to watch TV in my room… I knew where this was heading, especially after I saw what he had inside the bag he had been carrying – a bunch of porn videos. My vcr/dvd player was hooked up in my entertainment center which was in the living room.
The shithead went in there and unhooked it without knowing what he was doing. After he finally got everything unhooked he couldn’t get it reconnected to my TV so I had to do it for him. At first, I tried to walk him through it like my I have to do for the customers at work, but he was too stupid, like a lot of my customers, LOL. By the time fixed it I was pissed off at him for messing with stuff in the first place. He kept apologizing, but I wasn’t even trying to hear it.
Then he got naked and laid on my bed. I swear after you have sex with someone once they think that you’ll do them any time they want. I was pissed off at him and far from being in the mood. That didn’t keep him from trying to get me horny though.
He is one of those guys that wants to please a woman, but doesn’t really know the first thing about it. I only had sex with him once in the past because it wasn’t all that great. It hurt like hell because he has a 9 inch cock (we couldn’t have done it without astroglide). Luckily, he was a minute man.
He started trying to kiss on me, but I wasn’t receptive to him until he started kissing my neck. By the time I was ready to have sex with him, he had had a hardon for almost an hour. It was swollen. It was at least 9.5in x 5in. He got on top and tried to enter me. It wasn’t happening, no matter how hard he tried, he could not get it in.
I told him we’d probably need some lube so I grabbed the astroglide out of my nightstand drawer. I lubed us up and we attempted to fit together again. It was another unsuccessful attempt. Poor Jonathan was getting frustrated so I got on top and tried to take him in… it didn’t work either.
If we had tried any harder I swear I would have been ripped. So we laid there and he started bitching about me being too tight. I couldn’t help but lmao. I didn’t apologize, it’s not my fault he has a donkey dick.
What are the odds of a woman bitching about a man’s cock being too big and a man bitching about a woman being too tight?
We decided that the next time we try that he can’t have a hardon for more than 10 minutes before we get down to it.
On this day..
- I Got My Mojo Back! (part 1) - 2005
About BipolarChick (599 posts)
I’m a thirty-something bipolar woman, an advanced tech agent with a pay tv provider, tax preparer for a local charity, current Tulsa inhabitant, and I’m one credit shy of an Associate Degree in Liberal Arts. I’m working on recovery from self-injury and working toward stabilizing my bipolar symptoms. Recovery is very important to me. I’ve been mostly single the past few years and plagued by a seemingly never-ending series of jackasses, assholes, and married men. I have no children of my own, but I have lots of nieces and nephews I love to spoil.