Aug

19

I Cut Again

Filed Under Events, My Episodes, Self-Injury, Thoughts | 1 Comment

I cut again last night. Why can’t I control it anymore? The urges are too great to resist. I guess one of the was reading past entries as I transferred them to livejournal yesterday, but I can’t blame that entirely because I had cut and bloodlet a few nights ago.

It’d be easier to stop if it didn’t help me. The pain… The blood…

Blood is warm and liquid like the tears that will not shed. Why is it so much easier to bleed than to cry? How sick is it that part of the reason I donate blood is because it makes me feel better? Not better about myself like it does most donors, but better because I am bleeding… releasing the emotions that I can’t cry away.

I know self injury is morbid and “wrong” but I enjoy it. It’s so therapeutic. The scars are getting harder and harder to hide. That’s why I started , what is one small round hole compared to several inches long bright pink lines?

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