Things aren’t going well with . I can honestly say it isn’t my fault. I have never lied to him or blown him off but I can’t say the same for him. He’s been very distant and stuff since I accidentally texted him the msg I meant to send to Nikki that said “I think I’m gonna get rid of today”. Damn, I felt like the biggest bitch in the world when he texted me back. I tried to apologize and explain myself and he said he forgave me a few days later, but he doesn’t really act like it.

He has been blowing me off alot and then lying to me about it. He lies to me about other things as well. Does he think I’m an idiot who doesn’t know what’s going on?

We aren’t exclusive, but that shouldn’t give him license to treat me like this. I want to know why he’s acting like this. It reminds me of how Brian used to treat me. I finally have Brian out of my life and I refuse to start that devitalizing cycle with another man.

I just want to be respected, appreciated, valued, and god forbid – loved. Is that too much to ask for?

It’s almost like Nick gets some sick pleasure from playing head games and hurting me. Maybe he doesn’t realize how it makes me feel or maybe he is paying me back for that text message.

Men are always complaining about women that lie, cheat, use them for , and generally treat them like shit. I never do any of those things. I always bend over backwards to make who ever I’m happy, often to the detriment of my own happiness.

I cannot do it anymore. My kindness and willingness to please bring me nothing but more pain. Apparently, the solution to my dilemma with relationships is to change – become a selfish bitch and treat men like shit – then maybe I will be treated the way I want to be. It works for . She constantly lies, cheats on, and cons men into supporting her, and they keep coming back to her. It doesn’t make any damn sense.

I deserve better.

I really like Nick and that scares me. I know I could fall in with him if I let myself. That’s why I sabotaged us. I doubt he can or will so I messed it up before my heart took control and led me straight down the path of heartbreak. Nothing hurts like loving someone who doesn’t you and I’m not going to risk that with him.

On this day..