Last night I went out with some girls from . There was an all male revue at a local club. It was the Men of Playgirl vs. the Las Vegas Playboys. Oh man! It was fuckin awesome. BEEFCAKE!!! LOL. I had a kickass time. The show ended earlier than it was supposed to because the owner of the club started letting men in earlier and it made the strippers uncomfortable so they all got dressed. Some of them left, but most of them stayed around the club and hung out. There was one, Ryan, (SUPER FUCKIN HOTTIE!!!) and he sat at our table and talked with us most of the night. He was dead sexy. He made me dance with him. I rarely ever dance, I didn’t want to, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. I went out there and we started freak dancing… me freak dancing! (scary thought isn’t it?).

The 2nd song that came on while we were dancing was “Baby got back” lmao, he flipped me around and started smacking my ass and grinding it… he had a hard on and damn I got all kinds of horny… it’s been a few weeks since I’ve gotten laid, that is one reason I miss lol. Anyways, Ryan and some of his stripper invited us back to their hotel, but we were ladies and didn’t go. Besides they are nice to look at, but we didn’t have any respect for them, they were just eye candy. It was dancing, and making out with them though.

We closed the bar down. Dana parked in a different parking lot than the rest of us and sometime during the night someone broke into her car and stole her stereo and cds. I felt really bad for her, she was soooo upset. Other than that the night was fabulous though.

I haven’t felt like the old Jen since before me and got together (August 1998), he was my first and I lost myself while we were together and I stayed lost throughout the following relationships… losing myself more and more with each heartbreak. Now, I finally feel more like my old self. It’s great. I’ve missed myself… how weird does that sound?

I’ve loved, lost my love as well as myself, moved on, loved, lost, moved on, went back to school, bought a house, dropped out of school, lost my job, lost my house, lost my car, lost 2 babies, liked alot, lost, moved on, made a lot of mistakes, learned alot from mistakes, found my path, got a job that I love, and found myself… damn it’s been a busy 6 years. It sucks that it took me that long to get back to myself, but I’m thrilled that I finally did.

On this day..