The last few days, hell maybe even weeks, I’ve been thinking about cheating. I had NEVER considered doing it before, but the distance between and me grows more everyday and I’m getting lonely. I need some affection from a man, whether or not it involves . I feel guilty for even considering cheating, but damn it, I have needs too. Besides that, how do I know if he’s being faithful to me in his absence? Maybe the reason we’ve grown so far apart is because he found someone else and he doesn’t have the heart to tell me.

I bought him a card and I wrote exactly how I’m feeling, with the exception of the cheating part. I’m trying to get us to take time to reconnect and I doubt he would want to do that if he knew I was thinking about cheating on him.

I always said that I would have the decency to end the relationship before I would cheat, but now that I’m in this situation, I understand why people don’t break up first. They are unhappy for whatever reason in their current relationship, but they don’t want to risk being single. Even not being happy is better than being totally alone. You have that safety net of being in a relationship. You don’t have to be ashamed because you are single. So they begin cheating, whether it is emotionally or physically or both. Perhaps they will leave the relationship to be with the person they cheated with, but only if they have to. Why leave someone you are safe with when you can get your needs fulfilled elsewhere and not have to be with them. I’m not saying I would take it that far, because I wouldn’t, but now I understand how men could cheat with the same mistress for years and never consider leaving their wife, as long as the mistress doesn’t stop fulfilling his needs. I believe this is the reason men don’t usually leave their wives for their mistresses. They have no need to.

Anyways, I digress. I am seriously giving thought to cheating on Brian, but not breaking up with him unless/until I find a replacement for him.