Ok, so here is my horoscope. “An old lover is about to make contact, after months or even years of yearning after your incredible connection. Be careful not to let old issues interfere with what could be a whole new beginning.”

That is really freaky because I saw Brian, AKA , the other day. I was at and I happened to look out the window. Well, right then a blazer looking vehicle was slowing down and the passenger damned near crawled over the driver’s lap to look inside the restaurant. When he saw I was looking he started waving like a mad man… at first I was like WTF… but then I realized it was Brian. The night before I dreamed that me and Brian met up again and got back together.

I wouldn’t call it an incredible connection, but it was something, that’s for sure. He was damned near the worst boyfriend a could ever girl have. He was a lying, cheating, manipulative dumb ass, but he could always make me laugh.

The story of Brian and Me

I met him a few months after I graduated high school. It was about November ’97. He was my cousin ’s best friend. was living with us and he and Brian worked together, so Brian stayed over a lot. At that point, I had been on diet pills and lost 50lbs. An unwanted side effect was I got severely depressed and at that point I only left my room to go to work or take a shower. I was fasting 2-3 days a week. I didn’t want to be around anyone. If someone so much as poked their head in my room I snapped it off.

I would let Owen and Brian in my room occasionally, and I developed a crush on Brian. I started coming out of my room when he was there. One night we stayed up all night in my room talking and watching movies. The next night, he made a move and we had . At first, it was just a thing but a few weeks later we were together. He was my first real bf and I didn’t know how to act. So if anyone was around I ignored him. I wouldn’t ever sit by him and I rarely spoke to him. All that put a strain on our relationship so we broke up after a month or so.

We stayed broken up for a few months, then we started up again. It lasted another month or so and we broke up again. After about four months we got back together. We both wanted to make it work this time, it didn’t. Right after we broke up, he hooked up with a pregnant chick. He later told me he had rebounded with her and felt obligated to stay because the baby, even though it wasn’t his.

A month or two later I met and we were committed to each other soon afterward. We were engaged within three months. showed me how a man was really supposed to treat a woman and he succeeded in what Brian was unable to do; bring me to orgasm. and I lasted ten months before I broke off our engagement. I got cold feet. Deep down I knew I was too young to settle down.

Three months after Raymond and I split up, I went to an all male revue at the Hall of Fame Club with . We were really and horny afterward, so I had her take me over to where Brian worked. He was working that night. I made a pass and he accepted, even though he was still with Spanky. He messed around with and me that night. They didn’t have sex, but we did. In fact, we had an “affair” for fourteen months, while he was still living with Spanky. It ended because he was moving to Vegas and I met someone I better.

One of the last times Brian and I had sex, we broadcasted it online. I had recently discovered Yahoo messenger and bought a webcam. I was chatting in a BBW chatroom and Brian starting getting horny. He wanted to have sex with the cam on. We had always been adventurous sexually. I had been drinking that night, so I agreed. He even messed around with my cousin on cam too.

After we finished, I went back to my chatroom session. I received an IM from a guy wanting to know what had just happened. He had read about my cam in the chatroom, but it was staying full so he couldn’t get access to it.

I told him that he missed the show. We started talking a lot. His name was … Yes, THAT . and I began chatting quite often. Even though he lived 600 miles away I felt an incredible connection with him.

Brian moved to Vegas within a week of our sex on cam experience. I didn’t even give him a second thought until my period was almost a month late. I am not a cheater, even though Brian always will be. He was the only person I had had sex with in months, so I knew without a doubt if I was pregnant the baby was his. Erick and I were “together” and had been since right before Brian moved. We had cybersex, but nothing else until we met in person eight months later.

When I found out I was pregnant I was scared to . My relationship with Erick was so new I wasn’t sure it would survive after I told him about the pregnancy. To make matters worse, the conception date was the night we fucked on cam. I couldn’t even imagine telling my baby how he or she was conceived.

I told Erick I was pregnant the day after I found out. I expected him to blow me off, but he told me he would raise the baby as his own, if I would have him. I fell in with him that day. Despite Erick’s promise to be a father to my baby, I knew Brian had a right to know he was going to be a father.

I didn’t know what to tell Brian or even how to get in touch with him. I still had his mother’s phone number, so I called and told her. I don’t know if she ever told him and I didn’t care if she did. I made an effort to inform him of the pregnancy. I didn’t want a relationship with him. I wanted Erick, so I didn’t call her back to find out what Brian said.

About a month later, I had a . That was the hardest day of my life. Even though I wasn’t really ready to be a mother, I had grown to love my little peanut. I nosedived right back into severe and it lasted until about a month ago. I doubt I would have survived it without the love and support I received from Erick and my .

The miscarriage was two years ago Jan 20th. I haven’t seen or talked to Brian since Dec 3, 2001. He was my first serious boyfriend and the first guy I felt anything remotely close to love for. We have a lot of history. I miss him a little, against my own better judgment. He feels familiar to me and I need that right now. A fling with him may do me good.

On this day..