I embrace the label of BBW (big beautiful woman) aka Fat Girl. Labels and stereotypes are everywhere. If you can’t beat them, join them. Most BBWs get offended when called fat chicks. I don’t. That’s what we are. We aren’t thin – we are FAT. Fat isn’t a four letter word. It’s just another description. I’m FAT!!!! So fucking what. My doesn’t define who I am as a person. All it says is I like to eat. Is that so wrong?

I have used my weight as a security blanket. Hell, I probably still do. I was molested from age 6-16. I was brutally raped when I was 17. I started gaining weight when I was 8. Part of it was because I was diagnosed with Rheumatic Fever. During my it wasn’t uncommon for me to be laid up in bed for months at a time. All there was too do was eat and watch tv. I couldn’t walk. I had to crawl to get to the bathroom. It was hell. During the healthy periods, I would still eat and watch tv. It became a habit. I turned to food. It became my best friend. We have had a hate relationship every since.

The summer after I graduated high school I was finally sick of being the fat girl. I wanted to change. I wanted to make the dream of being thin a reality. I ended up losing 50 pounds the first 3 months and another 50 the following 6 months. Life was what I dreamed it would be, for a few months anyways. I started going out all the time. Men were practically falling at my feet. At first, it felt great, but it got old quick. Where were all these guys 100 pounds ago?

I learned something then. I hate being hit on. I met a guy that stood out from all the others. We ended up hooking up and falling in love. We got engaged. I got on depo- and the weight starting flying back on. I gained 40 pounds back in 6 months. (that was the guy) and I began having problems and we eventually broke up. After the break up, I became extremely depressed. The weight piled on…… Now I weigh more than I did before I lost the weight. Some days I want to lose it, but then others I am happy the way I am. Hey world, this is me. I’m fat – get over it!

On this day..