We had walked to the edge of the park when I stopped him and asked him, “Is your last name really Matthews?” He looked me in the eyes and said, “No. I’m sorry I lied to you, but I didn’t know you very well then and later I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to hate me for lying.”
I was overjoyed that he told me the truth. For some reason I was expecting him to deny everything. I hugged him tight and thanked him for being honest. Then, I told him that I knew his real last name and I pulled the phonebook page from my back pocket and showed him.
As soon as he realized what it was, he said, “You know!” Then he broke down and started bawling. I was shocked. That was the last reaction I expected and at that moment the nurturing/comforting side of me kicked in. I dismissed all that I was feeling.
I only cared that he was hurting and I focused on trying to make him feel better. He sat on a parking block and let go of more tears than I’ve ever seen one person shed. My heart was breaking for him and for the dream of “us”.
He kept telling me how sorry he was and begged for my forgiveness. He told me that he was deeply in love with me and how miserable he was in his marriage and that he only stayed because of his baby girl. He also told me how he had wanted to come clean with me for months but he was afraid I would leave him and he couldn’t bear to lose me. I told him I understood and we both cried, mourning what could and should have been.
After two hours of sitting there crying and comforting each other, we walked back to the motel. We held hands the whole way back. I walked him to his car and we stood there holding each other. He said, “I really want to kiss you right now.” I yearned for his kiss and said, “Go ahead, what can it hurt?”
He kissed me and I swear to Goddess, I got weak in the knees. I had never felt such a fire from a kiss before. I instantly desired to feel him inside me. It must have been equally exciting for him as well because he got an instant hard on. It stabbed me through his jeans. We both knew we couldn’t make love under the circumstances and we said our goodbyes.
He drove home and I wobbled back to the room on my rubber legs. I laid in the bed thinking and I knew then that it was a good thing I found about his lies on my own; it gave me time to get over the shock and anger. If he had told me, I probably would have killed him, or at the very least beat the ever-loving shit out of him.
To be continued…
On this day..
- Paul and Sugarbear - 2011
- - 2011
- The Domino Effect - 2007
- Tag Cosmos - 2007
- I Cut Again - 2006
- The Day After - 2002
- And We Made Love… - 2002
- The Truth Uncovered - 2002
- Quality Time with Erick - 2002
- Our First Night in North Platte - 2002
- The First Time I Met Erick (IRL) - 2002
- On the Road Again - 2002
About BipolarChick (599 posts)
I’m a thirty-something bipolar woman, an advanced tech agent with a pay tv provider, tax preparer for a local charity, current Tulsa inhabitant, and I’m one credit shy of an Associate Degree in Liberal Arts. I’m working on recovery from self-injury and working toward stabilizing my bipolar symptoms. Recovery is very important to me. I’ve been mostly single the past few years and plagued by a seemingly never-ending series of jackasses, assholes, and married men. I have no children of my own, but I have lots of nieces and nephews I love to spoil.